Holding Hands With Jamie

Umbongo

Got into a scrap with a pigeon
Claimed he was professionally trained surgeon
Wanted a bite
He didn’t mind if he was a cannibal
Simply just liked to eat animals

Chicken fillet roll (wanted a bite)
Chicken fillet roll
Chicken fillet roll
Chicken fillet roll

(Have a bite of it, glass of Andrews…
Centra, Centra, Centra, Centra, Centra)

I couldn’t feel low
Chicken fillet roll
I know I don’t know
Chicken fillet roll
Chicken fillet roll
Chicken fella

Pears For Lunch

Ate eight bananas and I thought about a jog
Legged it around the gaff and took my top off
I look crap with my top off

Spend my time watching Top Gear with my
Trousers down
Covered in Sudocrem and talking to myself
Garlic Curry Cheese Chips

Digestive fingernails are sogging from your
mug
Looks like an Art Attack when tilted from a
shelf
I don’t know what she wants

Wish I was a wife

Digestive fingernails are sogging from your
mug
Looks like an Art Attack when tilted from a
Shelf
I don’t know what she wants

Wish I was a wife

I said this and I said that
and I said this and I said this
I can’t eat your pears for lunch
I can’t eat your pears for lunch
I can’t eat your pears for lunch
Nice to meet you but if I said this and I said
that I said this I said that

Ate eight bananas and I thought about a jog
Legged it around the gaff and took my top off
I look crap with my top off

Snorted a wasp and told them to eff off
Oh wowowowowowow

Balou

You just shit in my neighbour’s garden
Sit on her lap
Professional Cat

Meow-t of the question
feline after the next one
What’s that?
Professional Cat

Nip out and get in more
Why d’ya act like a bitch for?
You’re a cat
A professional

Awlyaawlyaawlya

You just shit in my neighbours garden
Sit her lap
Professional Cat

Meow-t of the question
feline after the next one
What’s that?
Professional Cat

Food that suit you
Like sardines and puke soup
Nice lad
For walking my cat

Nonsensical senses
Contract-able lenses
That’s mad
Walking your cat

Straight to the juice now now
Virtually almost
Licked it off the ground

There’s no one new around you
Play the floor is lava
And I skimmed your blurb

A closet Villa fan
Doing karaoke
What’s he doing with your hands?

Dad, should’ve left it in the curtains
The frilliest curtains
For certain it’s sad

Food that suit you
Like sardines and puke soup
Nice lad
For walking my cat

Nonsensical senses
Contract-able lenses
That’s mad
Walking your cat

Nip out and get in more
Why dya act like a bitch for
You’re a cat
A professional cat

Dad should’ve left it in the curtains
The frilliest curtains
For certain it’s sad

A closet Villa fan
Doing karaoke
What’s he doing with your hands

There’s no one new around you
Play the floor is lava
And I skimmed your blurb

There’s no one new around you
Play the floor is lava
And I skimmed your blurb

Straight to the juice now now
Virtually almost
Licked it off the ground

Awlyaawlyaawlya
Awlyaawlyaawlya
Awlyaawlyaawlya

This cat’s gone
Cat’s gone 90

Awlyaawlyaawlya
Awlyaawlyaawlya
Awlyaawlyaawlya

This cat’s gone
Cat’s gone 90

In Plastic

Smooth like a
Smooth like an Action Man
With a plug in his pocket

Feet for brain
Pieces of fish
And jumpers made of Sellotape

Rummaging
Rummage around
Open mouths for expensive vouchers

Secondly
First of all
The state of ya
Have you been eating worms?

Can’t remember member
If ate those crisps
Nappy chutney
Flavoured lost soup

Lick your roll on deodorant
Football-ocking around
With your face in a tea cup

Lick your roll on deodorant
Football-ocking around
With your face in a tea cup

I thought I couldn’t look
A sap-aholic
A riomhaire
A dirty sap now
He thinks he’s dead

He’s moving around
Plucks into abyss
He’s making no sound
Designed an atlas

He lives in a tent
It’s silly quiet
It’s out the back
And farts in it
He takes his time
To hurry up
Professionally sad

Math plus math
It equals maths
A crooked dovetail
A necklace clasps
A lack of knowledge
He went to college
He got a nose ring
He liked a salad
And watching Jeremy Kyle
And no ones watching
It’s about a family
Who met each other
At primal scream

Paul

Better not ask our bleached moustache
Has given us a rash
Nice Ronny anyway

It’s here but it’s not
Our nylon locks
Like corn on a gob
Stuck in our gap anyway

Whiskering sweet nothings sugar free
It’s all we can see
Tache of the day anyway

Again again
She’s a gent give her a call
My daughter Paul

Again again
She’s a gent give her a call
My daughter Paul

Better not ask our bleached moustache
Has given us a rash
Nice Ronny anyway

It’s here but it’s not
Our nylon locks
Like corn on a gob
Stuck in your gap and I won’t

‘I want, I want’
You made a pamphlet out of bread that we
digest

Instead, Instead
You make a homemade 3-in-1
‘Cause it looks fresh’

‘It’s best to look fresh’
Then lean on now like a full bus that’s back to school

It’s all got old
To narrate silent ads with food in your mouth

Daddy long legs
Put his shoes back on and pissed with the seat
down

Got pinched to death
Lost my cheekbones and jumpers for goal posts

Over the shop
Nurse a proceeding hairline with a nice hat

Edge of the seat Face/Off
Odds at Lee Evans
Think it’s the seventh time I saw

Smidge of smug smig sange
Almost a funny dance
If I got the chance I would

Casually clean around
She walks through my house
Laughing at it now

And now I’m so surprised
She pulled them tight
And said that
Mighty Munch are the crust of Meanies

Now she’s strictly-full
Intangible
How many bulbs does it tale to screw a light
in

Now he pats her lap
Turns on her lamp
He’s best mates with her dad dad daaaa

It’s all got old
To narrate silent ads with food in your mouth

Daddy long legs
Put his shoes back on and pissed with the seat
down

Got pinched to death
Lost my cheekbones and jumpers for goal posts

Over the shop
Nurse a proceeding hairline with a nice hat

The Last Riddler

‘Dara take a seat’
‘No I think I’ll stand’
‘Doctor quick question’
‘What’s your favourite band?’
Doctor Murray said, ‘Think it’s ABBA’
Grabbed the pen from his lap
(Wrote) ‘The winner takes it all’

Give it to me straight like a pear cider
Well, you’re not God mate and your mother’s
scared

Olanzapine take once a night
Well I’m not E.T but I think I might

D’ya reckon Batman and Robin ever kissed?
Arkbwwdhydvbhyubdhjn
I don’t know I don’t know I don’t even know
D’ya reckon Batman and Robin ever kissed?
Ah I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go

Dara take a seat
Give you a hand
Watching Aliens 2
You’ll be grand

Texting an Alien

At the minute
At the minute I’m throwing biscuits down
O’Connell street, it’s pointless and I don’t know why
I’m doing to be honest

At the minute she’s
At the minute
She’s suggesting texting an alien
With custard on her hand with fastest tongue
in Ireland

At the minute
At the minute in just wearing Lynx Africa and
Talking about putting crisps in pasta dishes

At the minute she’s
At the minute she’s putting the jackets on the
Coated tablets and listening to the new jet
sounds or something

Oh sex pesto.. It was all she knows from the
tip of her tongue to the tip of her toes

You big weirdo licking flat coke from the horny
nettles of Barcode

Out of it
Out of it
I look at them and I’m out of it

Yeah I look at your photos to piss me off from
time to time
I wish I had a cap gun for every time you said
that one
Got sent to the office for whistling
What would it be like of everyone was whistling
going around everywhere
What would you do?

Take a photo
Of Quazimoto
I look like him and I’m out of it

Out of it
Out of it
I look at him and I’m out of it

She races her slugs to their salt lines but
you don’t mind, do you? Do you? Sometimes I
wanna watch

Fucking Butter

I went to the shop
I got a new top
Some bat shit bread and chocolate spread

I try not to boast and put it on toast
From bat shit bread and chocolate spread

I like you like girls
Not-ell-ing you why
A Reebok ad for scabby Nikes

I like you like girls
Not-ell-ing you why
A Reebok ad but really it’s necessary
Not even joking it’s really a nothing I said that
I need it and I know that I want it
Creeped into an exit

He’ll have it for breakfast
Said call on your knees and tasted the fresh-est

I like you like girls not telling you why
A Reebok ad for scabby Nikes
An interest in violence
He’s tickling your best friend while tickling
your girlfriend but really it’s ordinary

Not even joking it’s really a nothing I said that
I need it and I know that I want it
Creeped into an exit
He’ll have it for breakfast
Said call on your knees and tasted the fresh-est

The fact that he was shitty
He’s just a can’t to see
Got teeth when you want it
I know that I want it

What did you mutter
While caught fucking butter
Sucking the content of a cows udder
Glass bottom goats milk
Feta cheese string-fello
Mentholic aubergine
I’m wearing paprika

The fact that he was shitty
He’s just a can’t to see
Waving two miles away
Everything seems ok

Like you like girls
In which you under age boys
In which you call in a file
Say say say
Call in a file
Say say say
In through an exit he’ll have it for breakfast
then call on your knees and tasted the fesh-est
The fact that he was shitty
He’s just a can’t to see
Waving two miles everything seems ok
The fact that he was shitty
He’s just a can’t to see
Waving two miles away everything seems …

Petit pois

Nutella
Nutella
Nutella
No tell her Nutella no tell her Nutella no tell

Tried to say that that he went to the shop
He tried to say that actually said that
He said shaaaaaaa
He said shaaaaaaasasass

Witchdoctor

I shave my left leg in the bath
Ate a laughing cow out of tin foil
Think too much of my accent by accident on
purpose-ment
Left my bag on the bus brought my boots to a
match
Felt a bit turquoise tho so I Klinsmanned the
taxi driver
Then I found it thinking about it again
It’s getting boring at this stage though
But sitting on your lap is a gay solero that just
bit and chewed off my tongue

I’m wearing a woman’s jacket just to mirror
you…

Hop into the Spruce Moose
Get addicted to fruit tea and pomegranate
juice
Telekinesis with you is useless so what’s the
Plural of moose? Is it moose or meeses
Caught rapid doing the splits
Mellow washing gloves on
Yellow washing liquid
Spent all night in conversations
Spent all night in conversations

I looked like Columbo if I just winked a bit

I’m wearing a woman’s jacket just to mirror
you…

I shaved my left leg in the bath
Ate a laughing cow out of tin foil
Think too much of my accent by accident on
purpose-ment
Left my bag on the bus brought my boots to a
match
Felt a bit turquoise tho so I Klinsmanned the
taxi driver
Then I found it thinking about it again
But sitting your lap is a gay solero that just
bit and chewed off my tongue

I’m wearing a woman’s jacket…..

The Early Years

Lawman

He said I used to be indecisive now I’m not sure-t
Is tucked into his smasual awkward pock-et
Ce tera instead of her I’m younger

I said I never really liked it til you said that
Please glass me if you ever think you’ve heard this
English people in a moody gay zoo

He said
Everything about her was cunt-agious
Thats quite a nice little bit of word play
Everything about her was contagious
Then we decide to wake up
We decide to wake up

Had about a fiver
Used to watch dream team
Had a couple goal posts
I hit the wood-ya tell me to stop

Cough topic comment
I used to begood looking
He starts every sentence with
I know Im not a racist but

I saw another woman with my eyes closed
And we decide to wake up
And she decides to break off
I had about a fiver
Used to watch dream team
Had couple goal posts
I hit the wood-ya tell me to stall

I thought it would be better if I could just strain this
I really like that track
I was feeling kinda sea sick
Well go ahead eat your water
Thought I was anonymous caller
I thought I was an anonymous caller
I used to be good looking beside her
Eating chcolate cake like a vial-int-erest
-ing thing about your friends
They always seem to talk about my friends
I thought I was anonymous caller
I thought I was an anonymous caller

Everything about her was contagious
Everything about her was contagious
Everything about her was contagious
Anything, I thought I should caller
I thought I was an anonymous caller
I used to be good looking beside her
Thought I was anonymous caller

De Bom Bom

Shrivelled dick
It was I was
I try and stick
Til you branch off

But and it was it was I was
Confused, reused and all improved

Said don’t be too hard on yourself
I said I’m not hard
Enough at all-most there
I swear
I swear to god
I swear Im god
De bom bom bom

Any way what else to say
That burger girl
Lettuce-stray
All friends went
And all your friends were
All friends went
And friends were
All my friends
Tried to get me up
Can’t get it up

Enough
Enough
Enough
Enough
Enough
Enough
Enough
I can’t get it
So how is your vernacular
Confused, reused and all improved

Pathetic phallus
Pathetic phallus
Pathetic phallus
Pathetic phallus

I can’t get it
But as it was it was I was
Confused, reused improved
Can’t get it up

I Love You (Beat Happening cover)

I’ve been having these dreams
I’ve been dreaming

I’m on the beach, oh yeah
To rest my feet, oh yeah
Those poets grin, oh yeah
Who never sin, oh yeah
They fight with russians, oh yeah
And have discussions, oh yeah
With the kgb, oh yeah
At the baltic sea, oh yeah
They know the pope, oh yeah
He’s a regular joe, oh yeah
They say ‘give it to me’

I, I and when I woke up
I had a tear in my eye
I was crying
I’ve been having these dreams

I know this woman, oh yeah
Lives in a tomb, oh yeah
She played a song, oh yeah
But she can talk, oh yeah
The things she says, oh yeah
Could raise the dead, oh yeah
She says that god, oh yeah
He turned her bod, oh yeah
From a chocolate malt, oh yeah
To a pillar of salt, oh yeah
She says ‘one, two, three, four

And when I woke up
I had a tear in my eye

In my last dream, oh yeah
I made the scene, oh yeah
With tomahawk, oh yeah
We took a walk, oh yeah
Down lover’s lane, oh yeah
To serenade, oh yeah
In passion view, oh yeah
In cowboy suits, oh yeah
They say ‘one, two, three, four
[Repeat: x13]
Give it to me’

And I was crying

Why They Hide Their Bodies Under My Garage (Blawan cover)

Why They Hide Their Bodies Under My Garage

The Cha Cha Cha

I kissed Sam Cooke
Now he won’t fuck off-ering
Me stuff til I say look

I don’t get it
I just get it
Pay for my fun
A change gonna come

Try to make me cha cha cha
Cooke right off ha ha ha
Try to make me cha cha cha
Cooke right off ha ha ha

Join the Mailing List